Saying goodbye

"I felt what we always feel when someone dies - the sad awareness, now futile, of how little it would have cost us to be more loving"
- Jorge Luis Borges

My grandmother died this morning. I had mixed feelings as to whether to post about it and still do but she's all I'm thinking about at the moment so she's all I can write about.

It's a strange experience to hear of someone's passing when you haven't seen them for a matter of years. You don't really believe it; it doesn't register. I've been feeling quite numb all day, for the most part, and I've felt bad because of it. I wonder how other people deal with death: you can never really know, not really.

At the moment I'm still wishing I'd visited more. I can't really excuse myself that. Life's been busy, but never that busy. It's the very worst kind of regret. I hope she was proud of me, and would have continued to be. I'm going to try my best to ensure that. Always.

Love you Grandma Dot. I'll miss you. If we could have just one more of those sunday afternoons like when I was a little boy, nothing could make me happier. You'll always be in my thoughts.